Assalamualaikum.
So , retreat is over. The real thing begins now. We've started our revision program this week. I'm starting to feel nervous of this upcoming exam, in May. I know you're curious to know about what I'm supposed to be writing as the title is a bit intimidating. Well, one thing I learnt from retreat that you actually see people backstab you. Mind you, Openly.

Retreat is supposed to be about bonding, BUT since coming back I feel as if people are being distant from each other. Or maybe only me. Because I've witnessed people actaully talk bad about me , and came up to my face and talked like nothing happen. But is this backstabbing or just being nice? You can't actually treat people the way you feel about them. If you hate someone, you treat them like trash? I don't know, that is not what islam teaches us.

Islam teach us not to hate anyone, and always find good in them. I've been trying my best to do that since I got back from retreat. Husnudzon la katakan. When you try to do something good, dugaan mula lah datang. I was not a very nice person, and I'm telling you I used to be a laser mouth. Main kasar, bergurau kasar. Since I came to MKIC, I've changed. Kadang2 kawan kita gurau kasar, ada lah terasa sana sini. i kept quiet. For a very long time. But the thing is seandainya aku tergurau, maybe kasar, semua orang nak terasa. Kelakar kan. But that's okay.

I always feared that my friends would leave me. My Dad always said that "treat your friends the way you want to be treated" yes. Kalau aku bad mood, takda la nak lepaskan kat orang lain. Sebab aku tau apa rasanya tau kalau orang lain buat kat aku, yet it still happened. Kalau kawan kita buat salah, tolong lah jangan diam aje, buat taktau and ignore dia, apa salah nya tegur elok elok. I'm glad that me and my roommates have this kind of relationship.

Bukan nak kata apa, jaga hati. Jaga hati kawan kita walaupun dia lukakan kita. It hurts me a lot to have people ignoring me and tell me that 'its nothing' and keep on ignoring walaupun dah minta maaf. I may not be a good friend, but I always value my friendship with all my friends.  Aku nak ukhuwah kita berkekalan sampai syurga. Aku nak sebut nama hampa kalau aku masuk syurga dan tak jumpa hampa. I just want to have something to remember between us walaupun kita dah masing2 ikut haluan masing2.

I might seem desperate for friends. Believe me I love each and everyone of you even if you don't feel the same way about me.